Good gawd where does the time go? I've been having some pretty awful days lately - it's getting harder to stop crying, not easier. And the strange, unexpected ways I'm hit with reality are starting to get to me.

Sunday night I had two couples over - good friends to both me and Kevin. I actually turned on the gas grill myself and cooked up the burgers - which was always Kevin's domain. All went well and the evening was very relaxing. We finished dinner and had dessert - watermelon and ice cream. I told everyone to just dump everything in the sink; I'd take care of it when they left. But there was no room left for the ice cream dishes so I decided to put them straight into the dishwasher.

I rinsed the first two bowls and realized one was missing. I recounted in my head what ice cream everyone at the table had. And I even called out to ask if anyone had left their bowl on the table. It was only when my friends yelled out "no" that I realized I was looking for six bowls -- not five -- as if Kevin was with us. It was just heartbreaking as soon as I realized what I was doing -- and even more heartbreaking to know that I'll probably being doing that sort of thing for a long time. And the most heartbreaking day of all will be the day that I don't.